Mondate Upday Lives On.

It has been a week since James said he'd be leaving on a jet plane, not knowing when he'd be back again. And if you aren't singing right now then shame on you.

Ole buddy has gone home and he is certainly missed here. I am asked daily if I have cried or if I miss James and I am daily told that it's just me here now. And I smile and nod and say, yes. One day, I am just going to burst into tears and really freak out whoever has just asked me if I cried for James yet. I will demand hugs and whatever else comforts people when the end of the world has just happened. Because it would seem, according to the attention this has gotten, that my friends here think James was what kept me alive.

Totally kidding. I would never do that. Ever. But it sure would be hilarious.

So how has it been, really? To be honest, it has just been different. It seems that my remaining time here is a whole other trip. It's a whole new ball game, or for you Aladdin fans, a whole new world.

My days are filled with writing and helping out whenever I can. Once everyone goes home from work I simply hang out with my friends who live on the property with me. They have become like little brothers to me and I really don't know what I would do without them.

Usually I will have some big event scheduled and will prepare for that. I just finished writing a children's book for a particular part of the company called, 'The Adventures of Captain Napkin.' It was really fun writing it and it's always good to hang out with that branch of the company. They are awesome people who are on a mission to boost the creativity of the kids in Indonesia. Right down my alley. But apart from that there are always things popping up here and there. For example, there is a children's festival coming up which will host 25 schools and will emphasize building character and creativity. I am set to be a judge in a poetry reading competition and also a judge in a painting competition.

Other than the big events I go with different parts of the company to different places and make friends and help out how I can. I run errands and have meetings. I go to lunch whenever my friends have a break. I play soccer with the guys on Friday nights. We go to movies when we can. And then I wake up and do it again.

In other words, my time here, it's just life.

If I am being honest, then this post is a little difficult to write. I am three months in and the differences in the culture are smacking me hard in the face. I would love to have variety in food. To eat something other than rice and chicken. I want to understand jokes and I want to be able to speak without having to think how to translate a word. I want to be fluent in the language so I can stop being so surface level with everyone. That's something that I have noticed a lot more since James went home. I can't go deep with anyone. I was able to talk about things with James. With someone who understood what I was talking about and who could agree with certain views. Now, to no fault of anyone, I just seem to be here.

I can't really explain what it's like. Those who have spent an extended period of time in another culture will be able to understand, but it's really hard to explain to anyone else. There is just a point in time where you are more aware of all the differences and all the things that you miss from home. And I guess, this is that time for me.

I don't want to be all Debbie Downer with this post, so in order to avoid that, I will move on. I have spent a lot of time this week thinking of what I have learned here. For three years I have prepared for this trip. It has been all I have thought about. It was the only thing I knew for sure about my future. And now, I am more than halfway through with it.

I think it is really interesting the swing of thoughts James and I have had while being here. We first came and were blown away by the culture and the kindness. The foods were awesome. Every alley was a new discovery. Every tree looked new and the roads were a war zone that I never thought I would be able to conquer, let alone on a motorcycle. We were focused on the kindness of the people here. Their hearts to be the hands and feet of Jesus. At that time, if I  were to go back to America, I would have shaken my head and said tsk tsk at every high tech piece of equipment or complaint about a wait being too long at a restaurant. I would have thought we were spoiled in America.

And then months pass. I wonder at how to go beyond just being the hands and feet of Jesus, to being the mouth of Him as well. I wonder at how to balance being kind and being truthful. I look at the food and wonder what waffle fries taste like? I wonder how chocolate chip cookies taste with a scoop of vanilla ice cream in the middle? I think that I miss home sometimes and wouldn't be able to tsk tsk anyone. I understand my culture a little better because I am not around it. As strange as that is. I look at the trees and the jungle and all I can think about is what I would do if a raptor came running out from there? I ride my motorcycle in the street that used to terrify me. I ride like I am James Bond doing something awesome. (Not really mom. I am totally safe and more like a Mr. Rogers and have never popped a wheelie...intentionally.) The surroundings that used to seem like another world have become normal. I used to be amazed by a tree and now I am only amazed by what I can imagine about the tree.

I wonder if this is not what happens with my walk with the Lord? That first night I was saved I can remember like it was yesterday. I know every detail of that night. I know how close I felt to God. I know callings that He placed on my life from that night. I remember thinking that nothing in the world could separate me from time with God. It was all so simple, my amazement came from a single thought:  how God could save someone like me? Just a simple thought and I was dazed. And then time goes by and it all changes. And now it seems I am only amazed if something neat happens or if I feel something in my heart.

I feel a great deal of things all at once. My thoughts and things I thought I knew for sure are constantly being challenged here on this trip. I feel that this trip is teaching me so many things in ways that I hadn't thought of before. The trip is stripping me of everything I am comfortable with. It's breaking me down. The process is really hard. I'd be lying if I said I understood it all. I don't.

I wasn't aware of this process until this week really. I don't know if it's the change of atmosphere, the fact that James is gone, or the 3 month culture punch to the face. What I do know is that I am learning in a way I never have before.

I am learning that Jesus is the same person no matter where you go. He never changes. We change and we blame it on Him. We can't find time for Him and we say there is grace. We avoid difficult conversations with our friends who are lost and we say that someone else will come along and do that. That we just weren't made that way and that surely God understands that. We are filled with shame and defeat and we ask why God is hiding from us? Why this Christian walk is so difficult, why, why why.

I say this because that's what I do. Those are accusations I have had. I spent time not spending time with Jesus because I wasn't feeling it or because this other thing was way more important. I changed. Jesus didn't. He never has changed. He is still the same man who I met that night I was saved and was enamored by just the thought of Him.

I want to return to that. To just being enamored by His presence. To sit and think about Him and truly understand, or not even understand, but just think about how He could have saved me? How He has made me a part of a story that began long ago in a garden and will end one day with every knee bowing saying that Jesus is Lord. I hadn't realized how much I had demanded of Him before now. I hadn't realized how much I had expected to receive from Him until now. My flesh is a nasty thing that always seeks to be pleased in many ways. And sometimes I carry that over to my relationship with Jesus and say, 'what can you do for me?'

It's strange to learn by being confronted with so many things that are ugly. These thoughts have all risen this week and at times I have been really surprised by them. The Lord is bringing things to the surface that need to go. And they come to the surface and my flesh grabs and holds on like my life depended on them and there in that moment Jesus says, 'Don't worry. Let it go. You don't need it.'

That's why this post is so hard to write. Because it involves brutal honesty and realizations of, quite frankly, how much my flesh sucks. It involves me writing about how I don't have it all together. About how it's actually a little difficult here. But not in a 'I want to come home' kind of way. I mean it's difficult because I have nowhere else to run and no other distractions. It's just me and the Lord and it's time to begin the dependance process.

So I end this update hopeful. Sometimes you just have to go through times like these in order to truly understand Jesus. I need to see all the 'stuff' that I have built up to hide from Him. I need to see it so I can break it down. This is the process for me here and now. I am not ready to come home, so do not misunderstand this as poor Jared he is homesick. I am not ready to come home because there is much work to be done in my heart. There is still so much I want to learn of Jesus. And while currently it is hard, I know that it won't be this way for long. He is faithful and He loves His children. Even when I am selfish and ignorant and a child and...well fill in any adjective of the sort...He is still Jesus. He doesn't change.


I have pulled the ultimate Switch-a-Roo. You all are like, "what in the world? There aren't pictures at the beginning? Why is he being so serious all of a sudden...oh wait, here are the pictures." Enjoy. I have to be more diligent about actually take pictures. James was the photographer. I was the video guy. Also, James send me those pictures already...Here are some pictures for you all. A little reward for reading all that above.

This is pastor Sonny. He is just a bundle of joy. We travel with him to different islands whenever we get to and it always rules. This was in Kalimantan. This is supposed to be an awkward picture. Don't worry.

This is me, Yanu, and Ferii going to the movies. If you are wondering, 'why are you riding on the back with someone who is not James?' It's cause I wanted to give James a whole week with the motorcycle all to himself. You're welcome.

Here we are at the movies. This was the first time Wisnu and Ferii had ever been. It was so awesome! 

Usually James and I are asked/forced to take pictures in front of things. Like boats. Or water. Or anything really.

We went to the top of this water tower to see the sunrise and hang out. 

This is the group of us that went to James' favorite beach before he went home.

And this is James going home.

So that's it for this week. Maybe a video next week. We will just have to see. Continue to pray. I miss you all and rely on your prayers. 

A Fond Farewell

Temple Time

Picture blog.

Ok, so I got that last post off my chest. If you made it through the whole thing, go buy yourself a milk shake, on me. Well. On sojourn church. Talk to Ernie Wagoner. If you made it through the whole post Ernie Wagoner will buy you a milkshake. Email him at noknees@hardtostand.leg
Jokes.
I'm about to windmill kick y'all with pictures.
Jared and I have done a lot of things here since our last written post. A TON of traveling. Seriously, in the last 2 weeks we have traveled by:




Train




Bus




Boat




Plane




And by car, motorcycle, and our legs. I got to share my testimony at an Indonesian prison, pictured here with my translator and one of the inmates:




we went to an island called Timor and another one called Rote with a pastor and another man that works with the outreach portion of our company to prepare for a Johnson Ferry Baptist mission team that will be here in a couple months. The trip was very fruitful, as we met with many pastors and members in the community who will be lending a hand to help with the mission team when they arrive. It was cool to see the behind the scenes stuff that goes into a mission trip! oh. and it was beautiful, and we got to sleep like 100 yards from the beach and snorkel during our free time. we didnt have any electricity or running water, but we didnt even care. you can watch the video of our free time adventures here:
http://youtu.be/LjJT8NRodIE
And here are randoms from the trip.












































We still teach English class.



We went north to Salatiga to visit my missionary friends for easter (first americans we've talked to since we came here). We hang out with our indonesian friends and go eat and and sit and talk a LOT, we are continuing to learn and grow and are seriously growing more in love with Jesus every day! It's crazy to think that when you ask him to reveal himself to you and you seek him, he actually responds! Hah, we have been loving it here so much. We just do life with these people who have become our friends.



On top of our home in jogja




My friends Pete and Joy Neal that graciously invited into their home for Easter weekend (and the next few pics)




Euchre. You beautiful card game, you.




Easter morning breakfast! American breakfast! Thank you Jesus!
Oh, and last night we roasted a kilo of the rarest coffee bean in the world, Kopi Luwak, using YouTube, a gas stove, and a wok.




















I edited this so Jared's face would glow more. He couldn't have been more excited.
Guys. I am so tired. I just want to sleep. I hope enjoy this post, as scattered as it was. We do a lot here, and its really hard to recap like 3 weeks with one post. My bad. But we are still just living here and loving people, loving Jesus, and learning a ton.
Jared is preaching a sermon on the great commission this Sunday. I've read through his sermon, and I really believe that the Lord is going to use it to encourage these people to speak boldly the name of Jesus! Please pray for him as he continues to prepare, and pray that the Holy Spirit will be his mouth piece, and he will communicate exactly what the Lord wants him to say!
We love you all so much.
J^2

This one is from the heart. Sorry there's no pictures.

I know it's been a minute since we updated. Sorry. I've been waiting for inspiration because i didnt want to just list off what we've been doing and end it. I like writing with some umph in my type. Unfortunately, the amazing spiritual inspiration didnt come in the way I was hoping, but it came. It's about to get mushy and personal up in here. So...here goes.

I (James) have learned a lot these past few (almost 3) months. I've learned culture and a little language, I've learned about new religions and I now know how to navigate a motorcycle through a traffic jam without ripping anyone's mirrors off like a daggum ninja. I'm learning about what missions looks like from a new perspective, and I'm learning more every day about Jesus, who this man is, about how he feels about me, about how he feels about the 200 million muslims we live around, and what it means when Jesus calls himself the Light of the World, especially in a place where so many are immersed in darkness.

I would like to tell you all that I have faced all of these new things with resounding success and flawnessness, with patience and grace....to be perfectly honest though, more than all of these things i just listed, i feel i have learned that I am incredibly and undeniably, a broken person. If you know me, maybe you agree, maybe you disagree. Doesnt matter. I can assure you though, I am, at my core, a very broken, and very selfish individual. I was somewhat aware of this before coming on this trip with Jared, but more in a "eeeeh, I guess I could maybe work on a couple character traits here and there that im lacking in a LITTLE bit, but im not all THAT bad..." kind of way. Wrong.

Let me tell you this real quick- if you were ever curious about what your weaknesses were, go live in a foreign country with one of your best friends where it's always hot, you don't understand anyone except that friend, they are your only way of communicating to the other people around you (since you dont speak the language and they do), you share a bed, a bathroom, eat every meal together, share a motorcycle, share money, rice apparently rains down from heaven so you eat it for forever, and in the midst of this, every decision you make and all the plans you have must be decided together, in agreement with each other. All the while you are trying to focus on loving the people around you, loving Jesus, and loving each other. give that a try. You will see your weaknesses and shortcomings and insecurities bubble to the surface real quick.

I like to think of myself as someone who is generally easy to get along with and live with. I like to think of myself as having a strong backbone, a strong will, a love for people, a drive to accomplish, loyalty to those i love, thoughtful, a desire to serve, and a kind heart...of course all positive and lovely things. I think we all like to think of ourselves in a positive light, which is normal, but a taaad biased. So when I think these things about myself, and I suddenly find myself annoyed or angry or frustrated or whatever emotion you want to insert, I am SO QUICK to think that it is everyone's fault except my own. Or it's the situation or environment's fault. because I, James Torell, would never be at fault for a disagreement or frustration. It's their fault. I will accept their apology when they offer it. Thank you very much.

As I said. I am, at my core, a very broken person, in dire need of Jesus.

So what's your point? Why are you sharing about your personal issues on the internet? Get a journal, man.

Easter was this past Sunday. There are so many things to focus on throughout the Easter story, and so many things surrounding the death and resurrection of Jesus to learn from. This year, as i have become ever so aware of my shortcomings, the Lord has highlighted the story of Peter and his transformation to me in a very real way (stick with me, im going to tie these together, just give me a minute).

So there Peter is standing in the crowd, watching Jesus from a distance. Peter, the loyal, outspoken disciple who would just as soon jump out of a boat and walk on water as he would cut someone's ear off before he had a clue what was taking place. Peter, the disciple that you just want to sometimes say,"dude...just shut up and listen for once. stop saying stupid things." He was always the first one to jump at the chance to show his loyalty to Jesus, and he did so with complete confidence in his ability to stand firm.

He had just watched his friend, Judas, give Jesus over to be killed. My guess, based on his extremely high opinion of his own zeal and loyalty, he was probably feeling pretty good about himself that he hadnt abandoned Jesus after all the others had scattered. He had left everything behind, and for the last three years of his life he was one of Jesus' most fierce and loyal followers. He may have said dumb things a lot, but he was loyal. He would have died before he let them take Jesus away, right?

And here it comes. After all the promises that he would follow Jesus to the end...when it actually counted... denial one.....denial two.....denial three.....then he hears it. The chill that must have run up Peter's spine as he just stood there, naked in his own shame and disgust of himself. He loved Jesus so much, but he just denied him three times in a row.

In Luke, he says that there, probably just for a moment, was Jesus. His beloved Jesus, beaten, ragged, blood running down his face, body ripped apart- as Peter denied him for the 3rd time and the rooster crowed, he turned and locked eyes with Peter. I'm sure Peter couldn't help himself when he heard the rooster, he looked up at Jesus and their eyes met. Can you imagine what that must have felt like? To look right into the eyes of the one you just denied? Close your eyes and think about that for a second. What was going through Peter's mind? After all the promises, all the talk, all the confidence that he would never be the one to leave Jesus out to dry. That look must have shattered Peter. The shame, the betrayal, the utter disgust with himself that must have come with that. I can't even think of a word that can explain what that must have felt like...And what was Jesus saying to Peter in that brief exchange?

I can tell you this- I can tell you that Peter found no condemnation in his eyes, and he found no disappointment...I can tell you that what Peter found in that look was infinite love and mercy. Im sure he was searching in Jesus' eyes for what he what he thought he deserved, but instead he found compassionate forgiveness. Jesus wasnt surprised or taken off guard. He even told Peter it would happen.

Jesus was already on his way to the cross where he was going to die for the very thing that Peter had just done. Because for the joy set before him, he was about to endure the cross, so that men could be free, so we could be adopted. Because he knew what Peter was about to become, the the ROCK on which he was going to build his church. This weak, shamed-filled man, weeping in his disgust and embarrassment, was about to be raised up to be the leader of the Church. This broken man, barely a month later, filled with the Holy Spirit and with the knowledge that Jesus was alive and had conquered death, would stand before the very people who had sent Jesus to his death and proclaim with boldness and authority the name of his King, calling them to repentance to turn and follow the man they had just killed.

So I just got hit with all of this today as i started reading Acts. I was just like...how in the WORLD is this the same person?? The exact same Peter who couldn't even tell a little girl he knew Jesus, was winning 3000 souls to follow Christ in one day in the city that Jesus was just killed in, healing the lame, stood fearless in the face of those who hated Jesus, and began to build the Church.

Actually no, not the same Peter.

This Peter had seen Jesus alive. The same guy that he just buried, but Jesus was alive! He saw the empty tomb, he saw that the grave couldn't hold Jesus, and then he was filled with the Holy Spirit! Like how are you not gonna follow someone that just defeated death?? With that kind of power and knowledge and authority, with the heart of a servant and slave to Jesus, what other option did he have than to tell every single person he possibly could about him? There was nothing to be afraid of, nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hold him back, and he was ready to give his life for it! Like THIS IS WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT PEOPLE. Peter GOT IT and he didnt give a RIP about his own life after he encountered the risen Christ, the King! The only thing the disciples cared about was following in Jesus' footsteps, and every single one of them paid for it with their lives.

But I mean come on. Peter?? Simon Peter? That guy led the charge??

Jesus uses the weak. He uses the broken. He uses you. And he uses me. You can look right into his eyes, and you will find a man that doesn't condemn you, but who gave his life for you, that you can be free and have life to the fullest measure.

So. Yea. I guess that's what I wanted to say. Guys, Jesus is alive, and he is worth giving your life for. There's so many people that don't know.