Mondate Upday Lives On.

It has been a week since James said he'd be leaving on a jet plane, not knowing when he'd be back again. And if you aren't singing right now then shame on you.

Ole buddy has gone home and he is certainly missed here. I am asked daily if I have cried or if I miss James and I am daily told that it's just me here now. And I smile and nod and say, yes. One day, I am just going to burst into tears and really freak out whoever has just asked me if I cried for James yet. I will demand hugs and whatever else comforts people when the end of the world has just happened. Because it would seem, according to the attention this has gotten, that my friends here think James was what kept me alive.

Totally kidding. I would never do that. Ever. But it sure would be hilarious.

So how has it been, really? To be honest, it has just been different. It seems that my remaining time here is a whole other trip. It's a whole new ball game, or for you Aladdin fans, a whole new world.

My days are filled with writing and helping out whenever I can. Once everyone goes home from work I simply hang out with my friends who live on the property with me. They have become like little brothers to me and I really don't know what I would do without them.

Usually I will have some big event scheduled and will prepare for that. I just finished writing a children's book for a particular part of the company called, 'The Adventures of Captain Napkin.' It was really fun writing it and it's always good to hang out with that branch of the company. They are awesome people who are on a mission to boost the creativity of the kids in Indonesia. Right down my alley. But apart from that there are always things popping up here and there. For example, there is a children's festival coming up which will host 25 schools and will emphasize building character and creativity. I am set to be a judge in a poetry reading competition and also a judge in a painting competition.

Other than the big events I go with different parts of the company to different places and make friends and help out how I can. I run errands and have meetings. I go to lunch whenever my friends have a break. I play soccer with the guys on Friday nights. We go to movies when we can. And then I wake up and do it again.

In other words, my time here, it's just life.

If I am being honest, then this post is a little difficult to write. I am three months in and the differences in the culture are smacking me hard in the face. I would love to have variety in food. To eat something other than rice and chicken. I want to understand jokes and I want to be able to speak without having to think how to translate a word. I want to be fluent in the language so I can stop being so surface level with everyone. That's something that I have noticed a lot more since James went home. I can't go deep with anyone. I was able to talk about things with James. With someone who understood what I was talking about and who could agree with certain views. Now, to no fault of anyone, I just seem to be here.

I can't really explain what it's like. Those who have spent an extended period of time in another culture will be able to understand, but it's really hard to explain to anyone else. There is just a point in time where you are more aware of all the differences and all the things that you miss from home. And I guess, this is that time for me.

I don't want to be all Debbie Downer with this post, so in order to avoid that, I will move on. I have spent a lot of time this week thinking of what I have learned here. For three years I have prepared for this trip. It has been all I have thought about. It was the only thing I knew for sure about my future. And now, I am more than halfway through with it.

I think it is really interesting the swing of thoughts James and I have had while being here. We first came and were blown away by the culture and the kindness. The foods were awesome. Every alley was a new discovery. Every tree looked new and the roads were a war zone that I never thought I would be able to conquer, let alone on a motorcycle. We were focused on the kindness of the people here. Their hearts to be the hands and feet of Jesus. At that time, if I  were to go back to America, I would have shaken my head and said tsk tsk at every high tech piece of equipment or complaint about a wait being too long at a restaurant. I would have thought we were spoiled in America.

And then months pass. I wonder at how to go beyond just being the hands and feet of Jesus, to being the mouth of Him as well. I wonder at how to balance being kind and being truthful. I look at the food and wonder what waffle fries taste like? I wonder how chocolate chip cookies taste with a scoop of vanilla ice cream in the middle? I think that I miss home sometimes and wouldn't be able to tsk tsk anyone. I understand my culture a little better because I am not around it. As strange as that is. I look at the trees and the jungle and all I can think about is what I would do if a raptor came running out from there? I ride my motorcycle in the street that used to terrify me. I ride like I am James Bond doing something awesome. (Not really mom. I am totally safe and more like a Mr. Rogers and have never popped a wheelie...intentionally.) The surroundings that used to seem like another world have become normal. I used to be amazed by a tree and now I am only amazed by what I can imagine about the tree.

I wonder if this is not what happens with my walk with the Lord? That first night I was saved I can remember like it was yesterday. I know every detail of that night. I know how close I felt to God. I know callings that He placed on my life from that night. I remember thinking that nothing in the world could separate me from time with God. It was all so simple, my amazement came from a single thought:  how God could save someone like me? Just a simple thought and I was dazed. And then time goes by and it all changes. And now it seems I am only amazed if something neat happens or if I feel something in my heart.

I feel a great deal of things all at once. My thoughts and things I thought I knew for sure are constantly being challenged here on this trip. I feel that this trip is teaching me so many things in ways that I hadn't thought of before. The trip is stripping me of everything I am comfortable with. It's breaking me down. The process is really hard. I'd be lying if I said I understood it all. I don't.

I wasn't aware of this process until this week really. I don't know if it's the change of atmosphere, the fact that James is gone, or the 3 month culture punch to the face. What I do know is that I am learning in a way I never have before.

I am learning that Jesus is the same person no matter where you go. He never changes. We change and we blame it on Him. We can't find time for Him and we say there is grace. We avoid difficult conversations with our friends who are lost and we say that someone else will come along and do that. That we just weren't made that way and that surely God understands that. We are filled with shame and defeat and we ask why God is hiding from us? Why this Christian walk is so difficult, why, why why.

I say this because that's what I do. Those are accusations I have had. I spent time not spending time with Jesus because I wasn't feeling it or because this other thing was way more important. I changed. Jesus didn't. He never has changed. He is still the same man who I met that night I was saved and was enamored by just the thought of Him.

I want to return to that. To just being enamored by His presence. To sit and think about Him and truly understand, or not even understand, but just think about how He could have saved me? How He has made me a part of a story that began long ago in a garden and will end one day with every knee bowing saying that Jesus is Lord. I hadn't realized how much I had demanded of Him before now. I hadn't realized how much I had expected to receive from Him until now. My flesh is a nasty thing that always seeks to be pleased in many ways. And sometimes I carry that over to my relationship with Jesus and say, 'what can you do for me?'

It's strange to learn by being confronted with so many things that are ugly. These thoughts have all risen this week and at times I have been really surprised by them. The Lord is bringing things to the surface that need to go. And they come to the surface and my flesh grabs and holds on like my life depended on them and there in that moment Jesus says, 'Don't worry. Let it go. You don't need it.'

That's why this post is so hard to write. Because it involves brutal honesty and realizations of, quite frankly, how much my flesh sucks. It involves me writing about how I don't have it all together. About how it's actually a little difficult here. But not in a 'I want to come home' kind of way. I mean it's difficult because I have nowhere else to run and no other distractions. It's just me and the Lord and it's time to begin the dependance process.

So I end this update hopeful. Sometimes you just have to go through times like these in order to truly understand Jesus. I need to see all the 'stuff' that I have built up to hide from Him. I need to see it so I can break it down. This is the process for me here and now. I am not ready to come home, so do not misunderstand this as poor Jared he is homesick. I am not ready to come home because there is much work to be done in my heart. There is still so much I want to learn of Jesus. And while currently it is hard, I know that it won't be this way for long. He is faithful and He loves His children. Even when I am selfish and ignorant and a child and...well fill in any adjective of the sort...He is still Jesus. He doesn't change.


I have pulled the ultimate Switch-a-Roo. You all are like, "what in the world? There aren't pictures at the beginning? Why is he being so serious all of a sudden...oh wait, here are the pictures." Enjoy. I have to be more diligent about actually take pictures. James was the photographer. I was the video guy. Also, James send me those pictures already...Here are some pictures for you all. A little reward for reading all that above.

This is pastor Sonny. He is just a bundle of joy. We travel with him to different islands whenever we get to and it always rules. This was in Kalimantan. This is supposed to be an awkward picture. Don't worry.

This is me, Yanu, and Ferii going to the movies. If you are wondering, 'why are you riding on the back with someone who is not James?' It's cause I wanted to give James a whole week with the motorcycle all to himself. You're welcome.

Here we are at the movies. This was the first time Wisnu and Ferii had ever been. It was so awesome! 

Usually James and I are asked/forced to take pictures in front of things. Like boats. Or water. Or anything really.

We went to the top of this water tower to see the sunrise and hang out. 

This is the group of us that went to James' favorite beach before he went home.

And this is James going home.

So that's it for this week. Maybe a video next week. We will just have to see. Continue to pray. I miss you all and rely on your prayers.